The Zoo 1: Unborn/The Zoo 1 - Unborn.adf/ARTICLES/Tv?.txt

Text File | 1992-10-23 | 14.0 KB | 615 lines

@H@1CULT TV?
@A@4jude
@FHcitylight14
@FAprime08
@FMpearl08
{4@1
1I found a list, in `Dreamwatch' magazine which sets out to name the top 100
1cult TV shows of all time. This list is almost 100% bollocks (well quite
1shit, at least) and was written by some dumb shit, Joe Joseph for The Sunday
1Times. Baring in mind the poor quality of this publication and the fame of
1Joey `I'm a nobody' Joseph, I wasn't surprised how crap the information was.
1I have therefore made it my duty to go through Joe's fabeled list and take
1the piss out of it. Well some of it anyway. (infact some of it I agree
1with...)  Kult has contributed the odd comment, as have PIP and a certain
1Mr B. Taylor.
1
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21. The Phil Silvers Show
{2@4
4An interesting first choice, which I'm sure almost 100% of our readers will
4disagree with. The `Show' is so old. Boy is it dated. I won't knock it to bad
4, because I used to watch old Bilko when I were a lad and it was fairly
4humourous. Even so it's a strange choice for the top spot, and I'm not even
4sure it should be in the entire 100. Does this show have a fan following?
4Probably a small one in America that's falling by the day as each fan dies
4one by one (there old you see - note for thick buggers). Anyway Joseph, your
4top show is crap, so that doesn't bode well for the rest of them.
4
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22. The Prisoner
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4An excellent choice, with a firm cult following. ITC's sixties masterpiece
4rightly deserves to be in the top 10. The only thing that I have my doubts
4about is exactly where in the top 10. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not
4knocking `The Prisoner', but I feel that owing to the series short run, it
4should be placed a bit lower down in the list, say at 4,5 or 6. Some might
4say that the short run is the shows charm (that is art in itself) and who
4am I to disagree, but is `The Prisoner' really more popular than...
4
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23. Star Trek
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4I don't like `Star Trek' very much. I never have and probably never will. The
4animated cartoon series is fairly funny though. I my personal list I doubt
4the show would even feature, but this is not a personal list this is the top
4100 CULT TV programmes and surely there can be no show with as greater cult
4following as this. Joseph completely fails to make any distinctions between
4the original series and TNG, DS9 or Voyager. TNG is surely as popular as old
4Bill `Shats' Shatner?
4
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24. Monty Python's Flying Circus
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4Actualy I agree with this choice and the exact position it has been given.
4The W.I. agree and would like to perform their own version of the 100 Years
4War, to commerate the first correct choice on the list.
4
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25. Dad's Army
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4No. Kult hates this classic comedy, but I love it and would never miss old
4masters Loe, Messuier, Dunn, Laurie, Beck et al. It is in the wrong place on
4the list though. Down.
4
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26. Doctor Who
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4This is number 2, not number 6. `Doctor Who' easily has the biggest cult
4following after `Star Trek'. (Some would even say it was more popular) The
4fact that the series ran for a continual run of 26 years (well if you count a
4minor blip in 1985!) justifies the second spot.
4
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27. Fawtly Towers
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4The Amiga Cult TV guide claims that on 2 occassions the wording on the sign
4was rearranged to `flowery Twats'. I don't know, myself.
4
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28. Danger Man
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4A poor mans Prisoner. Black and white, but it has a certain something about
4it. Enjoyable, interesting and the kind of programme that your grandad might
4say "they don't make `em like this anymore" about.
4
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29. Hancock's Half Hour
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4Tony and Sid are still prooving popular and I think we actualy have the Tony
4Hancock appreciation society address in our mag! Galton and Simpson really
4hit the big time with this. It was great for the sixties and Hancock's timing
4is spot on. I still prefer its succesor `Steptoe & Son', though.
4
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210. Cheers
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4Modern American comedy is, with very few exceptions, the biggest crate load
4of fucking bollocks ever. Cheers is the prime example. Firstly it is unfunny.
4Secondly it is shit. Thirdly it is very simple (obviously the Americans only
4have a limited sense of humour. No offence to Americans, actualy, but you do
4turn out alot of crap), Fourthly it is shit, Fifthly the cast is really
4annoying, sixthly it is shit, seventhly it is predictable, eightly - what the
4bloody hells an `eightly'?
4
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211. Rawhide
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4PIP says 'I have a RAW hide`
4
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212. Steptoe And Son
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4I like this.
4
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213. Morecambe And Wise
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4I like this too, especialy the dead one.
4
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214. Not Only... But Also
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4Again the dead one is better.
4
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215. Your Show Of Shows
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4It's yours. You can't tell I'm sick of typing can you?
4
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216. Crossroads
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4It was shit. Now I understand people enjoying things because they are shite
4(look at Plan 9 for instance), but is is still SHIT.
4
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217. The Tommy Cooper Hour
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4This programme is based on a lie, in that it was never the full hour. Tommy
4Cooper is a master of merryment and I don't really have much else to say on
4the subject.
4
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218. M*A*S*H
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4The only funny American comedy I have ever seen. Admitedly the film is
4superior to the Televisual experience, but the programmes a classic. If I'm
4not much mistaken (and I am not, much) then M*A*S*H held the highest viewed
4US TV programme, ever, for some time, thats cult in my book, so this goes up
4the list.
4
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219. Blackadder
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4Ranked in order:
4 4
4 2
4 3
4 1
4
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220. The Muppet Show
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4The plot was that some chaps put their hands up some furry animals backsides.
4I also involved ping-pong balls, but not necessarily in that order.
4
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221. Till Death Us Do Part
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4Taken from the wedding vows, of course.
4
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222. I Love Lucy
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4Lucy was about 50 and you have toi be terminaly blind to see anything in her.
4
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223. Watch With Mother
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4I also watched my mother.
4
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224. The Mary Tyler Moore Show
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4Mentioned in the song `Buddy Holly` was it not. American so obviously it
4means about as much to us as (insert American thing)
4
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225. The Untouchables
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4The film was better? But it wasn't thats the tight thing, or was it?
4
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226. The Avengers
{2@4
4I always enjoyed Steed. He had a hat and a stick. One time he used the hat to
4get these people with, another time he used the stick. Diana Rigg had a whip
4you know.
4
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227. Roseanne
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4Don't bother it's not worth writing about.
4
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228. Batman
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4Was Adam West. He had this Robin called Dick.
4
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229. Twin Peaks
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4This boy I knew liked this alot and even started up an appreciation society
4called Peak Freaks. Fraks being the perfect word.
4
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230. The Adventures Of Robin Hood
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4Unbelivable - Kult
4
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231. David Letterman
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4Some like it more. I sit on the fence. Sometimes it is good, other times it
4is passable.
4
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232. The Magic Roundabout
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4Doodle, Florence, Zebadee, Dillon and me
4
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233. The Man From UNCLE
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4United Network Comman for Law Enforcement, you know
4
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234. Poldark
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4No.
4
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235. The Simpsons
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4The arcade game was a disgrace.
4
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236. Tarzan
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4Based on the premise that a semi-naked man and his friend, Jane, a semi-
4naked woman would draw in the audience. Of course it worked, but that still
4left Cheetah the monkey.
4
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237. The Dick Van Dyke Show
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4Like Wogan.
4
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238. Mission Impossible
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4Interesting fact: The tape used in the show was a reel to reel one, but on
4the video one it was a casette.
4
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239. Thunderbirds
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4Classic television. Mind blowing
4
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240. Happy Days
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4Were they really *that* happy
4
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241. Whicker's World
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4PIP says I have a whicker toilet covering which indents my face.
4
{4@2
242. The Saint
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4Uncle Jack actualy prefers this to Moore's Persuaders, how, Jack, how, tell,
4tell..
4
{4@2
243. The Young Ones
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4What happened to the repeats of these on BBC2. One minute I was watching
4them and the next I was eating my tea
4
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244. Upstairs, Downstairs
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4You never got to see the living room
4
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245. That Was The Week That Was
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4TW3 for short of course. Contained Hopkirk (decease)
4
{4@2
246. The Good Life
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4Brillant.
4
{4@2
247. Take Your Pick
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4Pick what?
4
{4@2
248. The Monkees
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4Parker says Wahay.
4
{4@2
249. Dixon Of Dock Green
{2@4
4Dixon tries to create a home made burglar alarm
4
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250. Jeux Sans Frontiers
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4Something about Jeux's white `fronts`.
4
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251. Hawaii Five-O
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4They made a computer game out of this which was a police game.
4I think. The programme is shit.
4
{4@2
252. Lou Grant
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4Brookside rip-off.
4
{4@2
253. The Fugitive
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4Running programme.
4
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254. The Flintstones
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4Rick Moranis.
4
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255. Dr Kildare
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4Never seen it.
4
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256. Prisoner Cell Block H
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4See article by Smiley.
4
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257. The Forsythe Saga
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4Starring Bruce `Chin' You get nothing for a pair
4
{4@2
258. Top Cat
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4In Britain they decided to change the name to Boss Cat, but they could only
4afford to change the title screen, so the music finished ...The most tip-top,
4Top Cat... and then a screen came up saying `Boss Cat`. Eh?
4
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259. Dr Finlay's Casebook
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4Oohh anet.
4
{4@2
260. Dallas
{2@4
4My fingers hurt
4
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261. The Addams Family
{2@4
4Better than film, apart from Christopher `I once worked with DAN ACKROYD you
4know' Lloyd.
4
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262. Captain Scarlet And The Mysterons
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4Jude: Beter than Thunderbirds
4Kult: No Way
4Jude: Obviously - (italics) there is no comparison
4Kult: No way
4Jude: Yes, yes boy
4Kult: No Way
4
{4@2
263. Perry Mason
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4Jude: I enoy the court drama situation
4Kult: I like Perry's basin
4Jude: Ha- thats where I've got you there was no basin. Only a lamer would say
4      there was such a thing
4Kult: So
4Jude: So, indeed Mr Kult
4
{4@2
264. Get Smart
{2@4
4This was good, boy was this good. Maxwell Smart, definately one of the better
4spy progs of the time. Unfortunately the Return of Get Smart was shit. I
4think it should go down a bit in this list.
4
{4@2
265. Z Cars
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4Here is the tune for Z cares for you to pla in Protracker
4qqeettyteqeteeq
4
{4@2
266. What's My Line
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4---------------------
4
{4@2
267. Lassie
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4Swedish porn film.
4
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268. 77 Sunset Strip
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4Not a porn film, alas, cause it probably would have been better if it was.
4
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269. Bewitched
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4American. Probably supposed to be funny, hard to say if thats the case,
4though
4
{4@2
270. University Challenge
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4Bamber or Paxman:
4Jude: Bamber of course
4Kult: No Paxman, the hair man, the hair
4Jude: Paxman is a laxative, asshole
4
{4@2
271. Gunsmoke
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4Cigarettes kill, so use a gun instead. Another hilarious pun on `Smoke`
4
{4@2
272. Ready, Steady, Go!
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4`get down and boogy`
4
{4@2
273. The Third Man
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4I was the third man. I was a KGB spy. Now I live in Moscow.
4
{4@2
274. Soap
{2@4
4Jude: Which I used to wash myself with
4Kult: I use it as contraceptive
4
{4@2
275. Animal Magic
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4About Johnny playing with the animals.
4
{4@2
276. The Golden Shot
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4Bob Monkhouse presented this, didn't he. Not bad, but it's a quiz show.
4
{4@2
277. The Sweeny
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4Kult says "I think its got cops and robbers in it. I think one was called Mr
4Sweeny, or came from Scandinavia, or something. I think."
4
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278. Peyton Place
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4PIP says "It's about a Peyton Place"
4
{4@2
279. The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To the Galaxy
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4PIP bought this, I think. I myself did not, but that isn't to say I wouldn't
4if somebody sent in some money.
4<Kult `speciel fact`: this was the first Stereo programme transmitted by
4BBC.>
4
{4@2
280. The Lone Ranger
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4Cowboy, like Raw Hides
4
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281. Crackerjack
{2@4
4The one where you got the cabbages
4
{4@2
282. Juke Box Jury
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4SAtarring Lovejoys Chris Jury
4
{4@2
283. Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads
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4Jude: I like this
4Kult: I don't
4PIP: Can I have my magazine back now? Can I Have My Magazine Back Now? CAN I
4HAVE MY MAGAZINE BACK NOW?... Remove your fist from my face.
4
{4@2
284. Mork & Mindy
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4Mork has a hairy chest. We never got to see Mindy's- alas. It didn't look
4like much though.
4
{4@2
285. The Onedin Line
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4Howard Rigby: This had Jane Seymour in it.
4
{4@2
286. Pinky And Perky
{2@4
4PIP says: Surely your not going to stoop to this level
4
{4@2
287. Bonanza
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4Bow Nans Her
4
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288. Up Pompeii
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4Classic televisual entertainment, mrs. Ohh.
4
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289. Call My Bluff
{2@4
4Mr Peterson?
4
{4@2
290. Lost In Space
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4See article
4
{4@2
291. Man In A Suitcase
{2@4
4Hi ho, hi ho
4
{4@2
292. The Beverly Hillbillies
{2@4
4This was converted into a film and it starred that girl off Baywatch with
4the huge plastic tits. No the other one.
4
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293. Randall And Hopkirk (Deceased)
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4Intresting fact: The dead one is alive and the alive one is (deceased)
4
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294. The Munsters
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4Like Addams Family
4
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295. Department S
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4Followed by Jason King, which `DreamWatch` calls a `bastard son`. Kult has
4nothing to say on the matter.
4
{4@2
296. How
{2@4
4With Freddy Dine-age.
4
{4@2
297. The Six Million Dollar Man
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4Noel Edmonds
4
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298. The Simon Dee Show
{2@4
4Complete rip off of the Jack Dee show
4
{4@2
299. The Invisible Man (1958)
{2@4
41958 was a prime year for British TV:
4Man landed on the moon
4We discoverd Uranus
4Scott reached the Antartic
4Mars Bars were 12p ("I remember when you could buy a Mars Bar for 12p - B.
4Taylor) Yes but what did you do with them?
4
{4@2
2100. Charlie's Angels
{2@4
4A great conclusion. Whatta list. This article was not a waste of space, but
4it is long.
X0*]